Thursday, 25 July 2019

Diary of a Daycare Mom




His rattles spread on the mattress, his soft toy Tuffy lying alone in the corner, his little pants and those wet nappies waiting to be picked up and a mountain of his laundry waiting to be washed.

I am already tired of packing and labelling stuff for his daycare adventure and googling to know when his first tooth would appear, browsing e-commerce sites to look for his needs, sterilizing those containers for him and preparing his feeds for the day.

It's been exactly 23 minutes since I dropped my 6 month old to his daycare center, sitting on the couch I already feel like it's already hours since I met him, saw his innocent smile, his cheery giggle and that unexpected cry. They call it separation anxiety and I call it motherhood.

I should be taking a nap now. But my heart thuds at the thought of, what if they call and say that your son is crying, and that he needs you, come over and check on him. What if I fall asleep and miss their call. I have anyway forgotten on how to sleep alone.

I have pit in my stomach and lump in the throat, even though I know that he is just 750 metres away as per google map on taking the shortest route. He was in the lap of the caregiver when I bid him goodbye, staring at me while I was walking out and then smiling at the lady. I was jealous of the caregiver, because I am his Mom and no one else is!

Am I a bad mother for handing my baby to someone else at such young age? Is my career that important? Is it that easy to pack his stuff and drop him to that center? 

For the past 6 months and 13 days I had been longing for some "me-time", read and write and pamper myself and do all that I want, and be myself. But in this span of time, I had forgotten that now I am his Mom first and myself later.

I never knew I would be so habitual of this little person in my life. No matter what the world says, no matter how many societal relations he has with family and extended family, I am the one who carried him inside me and I cannot be replaced. No one owns him as much as I do. Call it obsession or love for him.

Being apprehensive about his well being would last forever. Kids never stay with their parents forever, but a part of them stays in us till the end. And it's just the beginning. The sooner I let him practice being away from me, the better it would be.

Perhaps, the world may blame me for being a harsh mother, a career oriented woman or a parent paying others to bring her child up. My conscience might shake for a while and question me. But I will stand strong and do what it takes to make him a better person.

Because I am not a bad mother, I am doing this to make him independent, disciplined and a good human, and focussing on my career so that I give him a wonderful life.
I am sure my son will be proud of me when he grows up and reads all this.

Friday, 12 July 2019

Happy Half Birthday Divit


We never knew,
Your delicate touch,
Will make us love you so much,


We never knew,
You will make our days shorter and nights longer,
Our clothes shabbier and life happier,


We never knew,
Those intial feelings of scare would turn into overwhelming joy,
And you will be our favorite toy,


We never knew,
The innocence in you will steal our hearts,
And with you we will begin our lives from the start,


We never knew,
How fast the days will go,
And we will enjoy seeing you grow,


We never knew,
Secretly we wish you stay a tiny baby forever,
And amaze us every moment forever!


Happy Half Birthday Divit

Tuesday, 21 May 2019

किसका आधार मेरी पहचान


इस लेख का उद्देश्य रीतियों या व्यक्तियों पर नहीं किन्तु नीतियों पर कटाक्ष करना है।

प्रिय बदलती हुई सरकार/ पुनः लौटती हुई सरकार,

मेरे 4 माह के बेटे की पासपोर्ट अर्ज़ी इसलिए रद्द कर दी गयी क्योंकि मेरे आधार कार्ड में मेरे नाम के साथ अब तक मेरे पिता का नाम जुड़ा हुआ है। मेरा surname शादी के बाद भी मेरे पिता का ही surname है और मैं अब तक सभी सरकारी दस्तावेजों में मैं w/o की जगह d/o से ही जानी जाती हूं। और इसलिए मेरे बेटे के दस्तावेजों को अधूरा करार दिया गया।

मैंने सोचा था "मेरा आधार मेरी पहचान" है, किन्तु वर्तमान में घटित घटना से ज्ञात होता है मैं किसकी बेटी या पत्नी हूँ ये मेरी पहचान है। मुझे ना ही अपने साथ अपने पिता का नाम जोड़ने में शर्म आती है और ना ही अपने पति के नाम से जुड़ने में कोई झिझक। तो यह तो मेरी इच्छा पर होना चाहिए ना कि मैं किसका नाम अपने आधार में जोड़ना चाहती हूँ। हालांकि मैं भी मेरे पिता और पति की तरह एक स्वतंत्र करदाता हूँ, लेकिन मेरी अपनी पहचान रखने का मुझे कोई अधिकार नहीं है।

वैसे भी मेरे पुत्र के आधार में तो मेरा नाम आना नहीं है, तो उसकी अर्ज़ी रद्द करने का कारण मैं कैसे बन सकती हूँ। हालांकि उसके जन्म के पूर्व, जन्म के समय और जन्म के पश्चात एक माँ के तौर पे जो तकलीफ़ें मैंने सही उनके इनाम स्वरूप मुझे हर मदर्स डे पर एक कार्ड मिल ही जायेगा, आधार या पासपोर्ट का कार्ड नहीं, ग्रीटिंग कार्ड। मेरा बेटा फिर भी मेरे नाम से नहीं जाना जाएगा। वो सिर्फ उसके ननिहाल में उसकी माँ के नाम से जाना जाएगा।

इन सब के उपरांत यदि मेरे पिता का नाम मेरे आधार में लिखा भी है तो मैं समझती हूँ कि उसे बदलने का क्या औचित्य है, मैं तो हमेशा मेरे पिता की ही बेटी रहूंगी ना। मेरे अनुसार शादी के ख़र्च में 50 रुपये आधार में "सुधार" के लिए भी जोड़ देने चाहिए। या फिर हमारे देश में जैसे 6 माह का मातृत्व अवकाश होता है वैसे ही "पहचान परिवर्तन" अवकाश भी होना चाहिए जिसमें की हर वैवाहिक महिला अपने सभी पहचान पत्रों में पिता के नाम से जुड़ने की त्रुटि को सुधरवा सके।

मेरे पास और लिखने का समय नहीं है। मैं चली अपने आधार, पासपोर्ट, वीसा, ड्राइविंग लाइसेंस, बैंक एकाउंट, पैन कार्ड, क्रेडिट कार्ड, डेबिट कार्ड, आफिस रिकॉर्ड,  PF, वोटर पहचान पत्र इत्यादि में "सुधार" करवाने। गनीमत है सोशल मीडिया एकाउंट्स में परिवर्तन अनिवार्य नहीं है।

Friday, 12 April 2019

My Little boy



My little boy,
One day you will tower me,
And become smart and clever,

One day these moments may fade,
You will become a man,
And have your own priorities,

One day you will have a life of your own,
A family to call your own,
And I will be gone,

But till then,
I will continue to nurture you,
And to care for you,

Till then,
I will bask in the sleepless nights,
Begging you to sleep and miss you when you might,

For the world you are just 3 months old,
But for me you are already 12 months old,
3 months out and the rest untold,

For the world you are a toy,
And they love you when you give joy,
And back to the mother when you are a crying boy,

When I see you learn every other while,
When your little heart beats against mine,
I feel being on cloud nine,

When I see you grin innocently through my scoldings,
And your little palms enclosing my fingers,
My merriment lingers,

The scars on my body would always remind me,
that every part of you was someday a part of me
And how you arrived and we survived,

The scars on my body may never heal,
But my love for you would never seal,
Because, my little boy, you and I were connected by the umbilical.

Friday, 22 March 2019

Divit's Letter to Mumma Papa


Hello Mumma Papa. Here's my part of story of being on the earth for nearly 10 weeks.

It was all good and dark inside Mumma's womb. It was so warm, and happy place to be. I could sleep and wake up anytime. I had been hearing voices of Mumma and Papa in there. I liked you people, I always wanted to know you more all this while. Though I hated the "office time" with Mumma, I loved the cab rides en route to her office, and also all the movie dates that I had been to with you folks throughout. I saw my fingers and toes build, and felt my hair grow. I could hear Mumma's stomach grumble and all her heartbeats. I had enjoyed swimming in the water in my house while Mom and Dad played music for me. I had gotten my food home delivered, and enjoyed kicking and moving my limbs in the house.

 I often felt Mumma and Papa's hands on the walls of my house. Slowly, my house became smaller for me because I was growing in size. Sorry Mom, I had become so heavy, and you faced all that pain!

Ooohlaaaa, here comes the moment. This place is much bigger than the previous one. There's so much noise here, so many people. Oouuchh! Why are they pulling my head out? This place unlike my home has so much light and is cold too. These people are congratulating each other. I am crying and everyone else is smiling. I hear a familiar voice now, feels like its you Mumma.
From what I can understand, "I am born".

Last 9 weeks had been versatile, so many visitors, all the chit chat, real car rides, noise, music and a lot. These days I am meeting Dadu, Dadi, Nanu, Nani, Mama, bhuas and many people. I sleep and wake up and sleep again and wake up. Mumma and others are talking a lot about my sleep routine, my susu, potty and hunger. I do not understand what is this "8 hour sleep".

Sorry Mumma I cry when I pee or poop. I do not know how to tell you this, so I cry. No one would like to stay in their own poop, would you? Sometimes I cry and Mumma cries with me, we are so similar. Ain't we? Mumma calls me Diaperman! I get hungry every 2 hours. Unlike you people, all I have for food is milk. When I pass gas, why does everyone laugh at me? I don't like bathing, I never did it in my small home.


Mumma thank you for hugging me, lifting me up, keeping me warm when I feel home sick or become cranky. Papa I love you too, I often meet you in this new home, and sometimes on that small thing which they call mobile phone.


I will become a good boy soon, and learn this "8 hour sleep" thing, and then we will be a nice happy family.