Thursday, 7 November 2019

Mommyness


Sometimes you look into the mirror and don't recognise the person you see. The tired body, stooping shoulders, greasy hair and a drained mind; the paling skin due to receding harmones and dark circles due to infinite  hours of nursing at nights. Sometimes you feel like you are the only one awake in the world at those odd hours in the night. And then you soothe yourself by saying that there are millions of other moms across the world sailing in the same boat.

There was a time when I was the youngest amongst my team mates in the office, a free bird. I could party anytime, work for long hours and go back home, eat and dive into my books! I often awed at moms around me and wondered on why they were always in a rush, puzzled and weary. I questioned in my mind as to why they left office early, does a child really require that much of maintenance and attention!? I never knew the battles they had already fought even before reaching the workplace in the morning, and that so many others were awaiting them for the later part of the day.

Realising that a tiny human is entirely dependant on you for everything, makes you feel burdened and overwhelmed at the same time, all the time. Holding your pee, you have to be on your toes to provide for the little person, who seems to be growing so slow. There is always a bunch of laundry to be swirled and splashed. The empty tins of baby food asking to be refilled and the stack of soiled diapers waiting to be recycled! The same question that you have to ask yourself every day for the rest of your life is what to cook for dinner. The monotony of life seldom leads to the thought of absconding to my old life, the carefree one. 

They say, "it takes a village to bring up a child" But there ain't always one! Enormous pressure is put on the parents while we try to make up for what entire communities used to provide. Advices keep pouring in. They tend to judge you on why your child is at the care centre and why you do not nurse your baby that often, why is the baby leaner compared to other children of his age and how he could have been plumpier if the quality of your milk was better! You are being held accountable for all that is not happening and all that is happening! And they brutally push you into a guilt ride.

With my child beside me, I open Facebook and see how my girl gang is out on a holiday and how others are out for an adventure trip which I had never been for long. How from being a voracious reader and movie buff , I've turned into someone arranging baby laundry, surfing for baby poop color indications, exploring recipes for a healthy baby and shopping for economic diapers!

"Turn your face to the sun and shadow falls behind you".

A plumpy child is not always a healthy one, but an active one is. Working mom is never a vamp, she is quarreling with the world each day for the baby's bright future. A daycare baby is not to be sympathethized but congratulated for being independent way before his peers.

All my dismay vanishes when I see the little one grinning at me after a tiring day at work, when the baby chirps mummma and phahhapaa (Papa) unexpectedly, when he crawls towards me and smiles for no reason, when he grows a new tooth or makes a new sound, when he clings to me tightly and makes me feel he is elated on me being around him and that he prioritises me over anyone else. All becomes worth it. He will not be a baby forever, and the innocence would fade gradually. The joy that he brings to us is second to none.  My house feels full when he is around. I am sure he too shall be proud of his parents when he grows up.

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