Showing posts with label Divit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Divit. Show all posts

Monday 8 March 2021

Being Me


Being the flawless mother,
And a sublime partner,

A cook, advisor, and a teaser,
Crazy and hazy nagger,

From the weekend laundry,
And the weekday crockery,

The stack of grocery,
And the shack of cutlery,

The ardent worker,
And the workforce docker,

Ready to take all the failure,
But I am not a loser,

I know it's a phase,
But life's become a race,

I know I have to be skeptical,
And be adaptable,

I adore this with ultimate vanity,
Because this is life's beauty.

I can't be none of thee,
So I adore being me!

Wednesday 2 September 2020

निराला



उसके चंचल चेतन में, छोटे से मन के उपवन में,
अनेक सवाल उठते होंगे, अद्भुत खयाल आते होंगे,

ना जाने क्या सोचता होगा, क्या उसको समझता होगा,
विचित्र दुनिया का हर कोण होगा, विचार वृद्धि का वेग होगा,

पेड़ पौधे उपवन आंगन पहेलियों की कड़ियाँ,
सड़क पर दौड़ती गाड़ियां, पशु पक्षी की किलकारियां, अचरज की होंगी झड़ियाँ,

भाषा और शब्दों की श्रृंखला में टटोलता होगा,
वो कभी अपरिचित अनोखी कहानियां,

क्रोध क्लेश का भावावेश, 
क्या समझे वो करना द्वेष,

ना हंसी ठिठोली करना आये, उसको ना आये परिहास,
कपट विषाद निरीह निराला ना जाने वो त्रास,

किसका धन और कैसी माया,
रिश्तों का बंधन है किसने बतलाया,

ना देव दानव को वो पहचाने, ना कीर्तन भजन जाने
वो बैरागी,
सरल चित्त से करता विश्वास, विशुद्ध उसका मन अनुरागी,

पूजा अरज से ना साधे काज वो निस्वार्थ,
प्रतिफल और प्रतिकार है विचार निरर्थ,

सदैव रहता है निश्छल निर्मल नदी सा वह 
उत्साहित ,
असीम हो कर छलकती उत्सुकता की गागर,

क्या अपना क्या पराया कैसे रक्त का कौन है जाया,
जिसमे उसने प्रीति देखी मनोवेग ले वो मुस्काया |




Thursday 7 November 2019

Mommyness


Sometimes you look into the mirror and don't recognise the person you see. The tired body, stooping shoulders, greasy hair and a drained mind; the paling skin due to receding hormones and dark circles due to infinite  hours of nursing at nights. Sometimes you feel like you are the only one awake in the world at those odd hours in the night. And then you soothe yourself by saying that there are millions of other moms across the world sailing in the same boat.

There was a time when I was the youngest amongst my team mates in the office, a free bird. I could party anytime, work for long hours and go back home, eat and dive into my books! I often awed at moms around me and wondered on why they were always in a rush, puzzled and weary. I questioned in my mind as to why they left office early, does a child really require that much of maintenance and attention!? I never knew the battles they had already fought even before reaching the workplace in the morning, and that so many others were awaiting them for the later part of the day.

Realising that a tiny human is entirely dependant on you for everything, makes you feel burdened and overwhelmed at the same time, all the time. Holding your pee, you have to be on your toes to provide for the little person, who seems to be growing so slow. There is always a bunch of laundry to be swirled and splashed. The empty tins of baby food asking to be refilled and the stack of soiled diapers waiting to be recycled! The same question that you have to ask yourself every day for the rest of your life is what to cook for dinner. The monotony of life seldom leads to the thought of absconding to my old life, the carefree one. 

They say, "it takes a village to bring up a child" But there ain't always one! Enormous pressure is put on the parents while we try to make up for what entire communities used to provide. Advices keep pouring in. They tend to judge you on why your child is at the care centre and why you do not nurse your baby that often, why is the baby leaner compared to other children of his age and how he could have been plumpier if the quality of your milk was better! You are being held accountable for all that is not happening and all that is happening! And they brutally push you into a guilt ride.

With my child beside me, I open Facebook and see how my girl gang is out on a holiday and how others are out for an adventure trip which I had never been for long. How from being a voracious reader and movie buff , I've turned into someone arranging baby laundry, surfing for baby poop color indications, exploring recipes for a healthy baby and shopping for economic diapers!

"Turn your face to the sun and shadow falls behind you".

A plumpy child is not always a healthy one, but an active one is. Working mom is never a vamp, she is quarreling with the world each day for the baby's bright future. A daycare baby is not to be sympathethized but congratulated for being independent way before his peers.

All my dismay vanishes when I see the little one grinning at me after a tiring day at work, when the baby chirps mummma and phahhapaa (Papa) unexpectedly, when he crawls towards me and smiles for no reason, when he grows a new tooth or makes a new sound, when he clings to me tightly and makes me feel he is elated on me being around him and that he prioritises me over anyone else. All becomes worth it. He will not be a baby forever, and the innocence would fade gradually. The joy that he brings to us is second to none.  My house feels full when he is around. I am sure he too shall be proud of his parents when he grows up.

Friday 20 September 2019

Divit's World at Eight Months


Mom is feeding me some paste with something she calls as purple spoon. Yakk, this doesn't taste great. These big people need to understand my choice. By now I know that feeding time means learning A,B,C,D and Johnny Johnny Yes Papa. And of course, the dog says bhaau bhauu and cat says meoww meoww. The thirsty crow is thirsty everyday, and slow and steady tortoise wins the race daily. I smile on hearing all this, because that makes you people happy and think that I am eating well. Oops! I turned my head towards that big illuminated object on the wall and leaked the paste out of my mouth, to my side. Look at Mumma's eyes, she seems angry... Never mind, all I have to do is smile or cry, either ways, I win!

They call me "Divit". I think that's my name, just like Mumma Daddy's names are Mumma and Daddy.

Mumma and Daddy go to a place called office.These people are talking about their day. I can't make sounds like they do. All I can do is say hummmmm, ummmmaa, bubububu, ahaaaan (clearing the throat), unngeee, giiiiiii, ammaaa, tattattata and so much more.

This world and its objects sound interesting. Those strange things that my tongue touches these days hurt me sometime. But they help me produce new sounds. And I want to chew everything with them. I want to chew my toys, and the bedsheet, and Mumma Daddy's dresses and tresses, the TV remote, my hands and even my feet! How can you really know something if you haven't put it in your mouth!

I am so curious to know how this world works. I want to see and touch and taste and hear everything.

Yesterday I went outside with Mumma and Daddy. There was so much light.There were so many big people. So many things running, some small, some big. Big people were sitting on those running things. Those things were making noise also. There were some big people who were walking like Mumma and Daddy with two feet. I have got 2 extra feet unlike them. I like walking, I mean crawling with those. I also try to stand and walk like these people. But when I try to hold the sofa and stand, I fall down. It hurts on my head and I cry. Mumma Daddy rush to me, lift me and take me to the window to show light and big people. I open my eyes wide to see them. It is wonderful!

Nowadays, Mumma and Daddy play a weird game with me, they hide behind the wall and appear again. They believe I am giggling back because it pleased me. Nah!


At my daycare, Atharv also has 4 feet like me, but Ahaan, Ayub, Amairaah, Kiara, Faaz and the aunties have 2 feet! They are different.

Few days back, something was running out of my nosy all the time. That thing came in my mouth also, it was so tasty. Mummy Daddy were wiping it with some soft soft thing.

Mumma Daddy are taking me into the room where we sleep. I hate sleeping, why do we have to sleep. Mumma and Daddy are saying "Good Night Divit". Oh no, please please Daddy don't pat on my side, please don't sing that lullaby Mumma. It will make me sleep. I have an idea, if I cry I can stay awake for little long. They soothed me. I am turning now, I like to sleep on my tummy. They are patting me again, Oh no, please I want to play. Zzzzzzzz I am not sleeping. No mosquitoe net please... No...zzzzzzz. khrrrrrrrrrrr...

2 hours later.

They are still sleeping, I slept enough. Time to scream the house down. They are awake now, whooppiiee. I am the Boss of the house!

Thursday 25 July 2019

Diary of a Daycare Mom




His rattles spread on the mattress, his soft toy Tuffy lying alone in the corner, his little pants and those wet nappies waiting to be picked up and a mountain of his laundry waiting to be washed.

I am already tired of packing and labelling stuff for his daycare adventure and googling to know when his first tooth would appear, browsing e-commerce sites to look for his needs, sterilizing those containers for him and preparing his feeds for the day.

It's been exactly 23 minutes since I dropped my 6 month old to his daycare center, sitting on the couch I already feel like it's already hours since I met him, saw his innocent smile, his cheery giggle and that unexpected cry. They call it separation anxiety and I call it motherhood.

I should be taking a nap now. But my heart thuds at the thought of, what if they call and say that your son is crying, and that he needs you, come over and check on him. What if I fall asleep and miss their call. I have anyway forgotten on how to sleep alone.

I have pit in my stomach and lump in the throat, even though I know that he is just 750 metres away as per google map on taking the shortest route. He was in the lap of the caregiver when I bid him goodbye, staring at me while I was walking out and then smiling at the lady. I was jealous of the caregiver, because I am his Mom and no one else is!

Am I a bad mother for handing my baby to someone else at such young age? Is my career that important? Is it that easy to pack his stuff and drop him to that center? 

For the past 6 months and 13 days I had been longing for some "me-time", read and write and pamper myself and do all that I want, and be myself. But in this span of time, I had forgotten that now I am his Mom first and myself later.

I never knew I would be so habitual of this little person in my life. No matter what the world says, no matter how many societal relations he has with family and extended family, I am the one who carried him inside me and I cannot be replaced. No one owns him as much as I do. Call it obsession or love for him.

Being apprehensive about his well being would last forever. Kids never stay with their parents forever, but a part of them stays in us till the end. And it's just the beginning. The sooner I let him practice being away from me, the better it would be.

Perhaps, the world may blame me for being a harsh mother, a career oriented woman or a parent paying others to bring her child up. My conscience might shake for a while and question me. But I will stand strong and do what it takes to make him a better person.

Because I am not a bad mother, I am doing this to make him independent, disciplined and a good human, and focussing on my career so that I give him a wonderful life.
I am sure my son will be proud of me when he grows up and reads all this.

Friday 12 July 2019

Happy Half Birthday Divit


We never knew,
Your delicate touch,
Will make us love you so much,


We never knew,
You will make our days shorter and nights longer,
Our clothes shabbier and life happier,


We never knew,
Those intial feelings of scare would turn into overwhelming joy,
And you will be our favorite toy,


We never knew,
The innocence in you will steal our hearts,
And with you we will begin our lives from the start,


We never knew,
How fast the days will go,
And we will enjoy seeing you grow,


We never knew,
Secretly we wish you stay a tiny baby forever,
And amaze us every moment forever!


Happy Half Birthday Divit

Friday 12 April 2019

My Little boy



My little boy,
One day you will tower me,
And become smart and clever,

One day these moments may fade,
You will become a man,
And have your own priorities,

One day you will have a life of your own,
A family to call your own,
And I will be gone,

But till then,
I will continue to nurture you,
And to care for you,

Till then,
I will bask in the sleepless nights,
Begging you to sleep and miss you when you might,

For the world you are just 3 months old,
But for me you are already 12 months old,
3 months out and the rest untold,

For the world you are a toy,
And they love you when you give joy,
And back to the mother when you are a crying boy,

When I see you learn every other while,
When your little heart beats against mine,
I feel being on cloud nine,

When I see you grin innocently through my scoldings,
And your little palms enclosing my fingers,
My merriment lingers,

The scars on my body would always remind me,
that every part of you was someday a part of me
And how you arrived and we survived,

The scars on my body may never heal,
But my love for you would never seal,
Because, my little boy, you and I were connected by the umbilical.